“A writer writes and a killer, kills. Much of who we are is merely programming.” ~The Self (htm)
I write about love a lot. Love is such a large part of our lives that it deserves all the discourse ever presented about what it is and what it is not. Understand that I am in no way an expert. Who can really be an expert in one of the biggest (if not the biggest) desires and driving forces of our existence? I have some thoughts, though. Specifically, I have thoughts related to romantic love. Deep breath and let’s go…
I haven’t figured much out about romance other than we can quickly take romance and turn it into a horror show that victimizes the one we are supposed to “love” OR we victimize ourselves with our layman’s understanding of what we think love is supposed to be. I read about love through searches and various books like I am researching for a doctorate. It enthralls me on how easy we will deceive ourselves about how love operates, how it really makes us feel, and how much our shadow selves has much to do with how we express love as a living, breathing entity. Through my incessant reading I found a common theme; much of what we know about love is presented to us during childhood. How we see our parents act or don’t act whether a two-parent household or a single parent household; how they enact love is how we will also enact it. Hence my earlier allusion to the shadow self as deeply influential in our expression of love. Some of our unconscious expressions we learned as children can be detrimental to our partnerships unless all efforts are made to honestly critique our inner workings. I’m not saying our deepest romantic desires can’t be fulfilled. I will say that what may have worked for your Mom and Pop may not swing the same for your life. Since love itself is a living thing, it will take the forms we allow it to take in our ignorance, manipulations, power, and imaginations. Or it can take its exalted forms full of respect, perseverance, empathy, passion, and compassion and in partnership with our higher understandings, can be totally transformative. Yes, I said partnership which also implies consent. You didn’t think love would be anything other than consensual, did you? Of course not. Let’s pretend we are all healthy grown-ups here and already understand this from the jump.
” I’m having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy. How do we reverse the chemistry? I don’t want us to be the enemy. This love is taking all of my energy.” ~Keri Hilson, Energy
Another theme presented regarding our human understandings of love is POWER. We often abuse the power of love thereby twisting its full potential to uplift us and not ensnare us. Here is where we fuck up a lot; in thinking that manipulation has anything to do with the actual mechanisms of love in any of its forms. Certainly, not all of us will force operate love in this manner but again, we have many things in our subconscious that have been gathered over time and some of us have not made ourselves aware of how much buried nonsense we have. We all have a ton of proverbial crap in there and oh how it manifests when we think we are in “love”. Love, however, is an innately hard-working emotion that transforms, and it is something it does well. So, if you think you can keep spinning your wheels the same in or about love and not have it change you for the better than, you have signed up for the school of hard knocks that all knuckle-heads sign up for. Good luck with that.
Let’s continue on with this; have you ever told someone or been told, “I love you” just to keep someone by your side, not because you ACTUALLY love them but because you were too scared to be lonely? The thought of being lonely was so overwhelming that you would rather flood someone’s senses with romantic manipulations than be by yourself? This may be because you chase love as an objective you tick off in your 5-year life plan of adulting rather than the living, intelligent emotion that it is. You have? Good. At least you are honest. Hopefully, you ran into someone in your life that questioned you about your modus operandi often enough for you to give some thought about it. If you have blessed yourself with introspection, then I will happily assume you are on the road to be a better lover and companion all the way around. The more awareness we have about love the better off we will all be. Afterall, no one in their correct heart wants to perpetuate more cycles of mental, spiritual, and emotional abuse, label it as love and pass that shit around like the AIDS virus, right? Cool.
Well, that is all I will espouse for now. I will be coming back to this later because, I can’t help myself and frankly, neither can you. 😉