My son called me. He was having tumultuous feelings about Father’s Day and consequently, his father. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect him to feel left out or conflicted in any way. I take for granted that he is enormously well adjusted despite certain statistics that may say otherwise about single parent households and in particular, single parent households of color. (As if we single handedly created this category for no reason other than we’re POC.)
At any rate, he felt like its all such bullshit to define a good life and a good family based on a fabricated holiday. (They’re ALL fabricated but that’s a blog post of a different color. ) I gently reminded him that this is a day to celebrate the parents who are present and contientious and maybe even start to forgive the ones who just are crap. He agreed and I was thankful.
We extended our conversation a little further so that he can be allowed to detox his mind from all that resentment because those toxins can sap your joy in a heartbeat leaving you to feel void of contentment while bitterness sits its fat, ugly ass right in the middle of your soul. Ain’t nobody got time for that. So, on to other things it was and it was good.
It is a shame his father will never know how great his first born is. But, that is OK, for now. It will be up to my young man if he ever wants to confront his father–AGAIN about why he deserted him.
I have always steered my son to be present in his own life, with his own joys and strengths. Dwelling on the why of a past thing gives it more center than it deserves.
There were many blessings in his father’s leaving. Something that we discuss, my son and I, now that he is older. He understands and that understanding is a relief.
With that being said, I have my own bitter sweet time with this day. That too is a blog post of another color.
Happy Father’s Day! There are some great “Fathers” and “Father figures” out there who deserve their kudos. Thank you for being you.